Parental guilt

Some time ago my three-year-old goddaughter wished upon a star. She wanted her mommy to stay home instead of going to work everyday. The next day her mommy asked me if children ever learn to understand, are they really okay? This wish broke her heart, and she was looking for some reassurance.

Here's what I told her...

Parental guilt is the pits. But parents who don't have any are even worse. So the fact that you feel like you're messing up your kids is actually a good thing. And I hate to have to tell you this... It doesn't go away.

Having grown children, and as a grown child myself, this is what I think... If you build a good relationship with your children, if you listen and love and care, then they'll forgive all those icky circumstances. We build our lives with what we have, and we make hard choices and can't have everything we want.

When our kids are grown, perhaps they'll look back and know we loved them and did our best. Perhaps they won't. But it won't be because we worked, or because we stayed home. It will be because they felt love, and learned to love. It will be because they've been shown mercy, and learned to forgive.

One of the big tragedies of the generations is that when we look at what we lacked in our own childhood, and then try to make sure our kids have everything we didn't, we lose site of what was most important to us as children. Was I loved? Was I forgiven? Was I allowed to be myself?

The beautiful thing about mercy and grace is that if we give them to our children, they'll be returned to us in our old age. Not if we simply loan them out, expecting a return, but truly give them, expecting nothing.

That's where parental guilt comes in handy.

Keep an honest record of the things you wanted to do differently, without a single excuse for anything. Fix what you can, and ask forgiveness for the rest. Keep fixing, and keep asking. Sow love and mercy, and reap the same.